To contact us about anything your heart desires, get your cute butt over to the main contact page.
You can also use the details there to ask the gang a question, and we will all answer it below. It can be as wacky as you like, and on any topic (gaming or otherwise). We will answer it with as much seriousness as the question requires, or depending on what our mood is like at any given time.
Lacey V from Washington curiously ponders:
“Everyone says this charity is done in their spare time. What do you guys do for a regular job?”
IRL (yay for net-speak!) I work for the U.S. Army National Guard and am the commander of a Military Police Battalion. It sounds like a ton of work, and sometimes it is, but it’s also very rewarding. We’ve done a lot of community stuff lately and have been working with several outside agencies and taking part in wonderful events like Operation PROP (link to that at the end), and so I enjoy every moment of my work. My spare time outside of that is of course spent with family, and I also work on the side to run my own little gaming site (complete with fun video content and podcasts) and serve as Review Editor for a site called Anjel Syndicate.
In retrospect, I don’t know how I actually have any spare time! Yikes!
This link to something PROP did in Florida never ceases to amaze me.
Hi Lacey, and thanks for the good question! There isn’t a specific term that encorporates everything I do on a day-to-day basis, so people refer to me as a ‘creative’. It mainly involves joined-up thinking in the blue chip, blue sky industry sector turning blue sales into red-hot profit! YEE-OUTCH!
I’d love to have a 45-minute web seminar with you, Lacey. One on one. I know yourself and many other Nebraska moms are yearning to make $588,086 a month, and I’d be happy to teach you the secrets to success! It mainly involves setting up ‘charity’ gaming websites and claiming all money goes to helping sick kids, but uh-oh! Guess who accidentally left his own paypal address as the beneficiary! *facepalm*
Want proof of how my methods bring GUARANTEED*†**‡ SUCCESS? I’m confident enough to share you in on a real-life report on the success I performed on this very site:
*COUGH* alright enough of all that. To answer seriously, besides a three-year stint in dispensing optics, I’ve always been a writer in some form or another. The money-earning stuff is more dry and corporate and as of recently, it’s been more concerned with editing and recruiting/managing other writers rather than writing copy myself. That’s totally sweet with me and I love my job, but it doesn’t give me the creative kick I crave constantly.
That’s why I’m here, anyway. Hi.
A great question. It’s better than one I got from Cougar Dating about a week ago.
I am a Network Sorcerer. I magically make connections between various computers in my corporation using my magical box and keyboard. I trip the Light Fantastic. Using the incantation IPSO NETWORKUM, I travel through the Interwebs on a silver surfboard, attacking evil users with my Sword of Administration +6. It is a thankless job, but someone has to do it. I just happen to do it VERY well.
After 5pm rolls around, I transform into either Super Dad or DJ Wizard EmCeeKhan. As Super Dad, I save the world of my wife and son from things such as icky boo-boos and scary monsters. Anything but cooking. As DJ Wizard EmCeeKhan, I cast the spell to drop the bass on my unwary foes consisting of everything from boredom and awkward male dancing. I operate the Turntables of Ultimate Destiny, rejecting requests to play Skrillex’s Cinema whenever I can.
Some Bloke Called S. Gerbers Asks:
“How do you guys manage to play more than one video game at a time? I tried to play Skyrim and TOR but it was nearly impossible to balance myself between them. Is there a secret to playing two or three games at once?”
Dear S. Gebers,
Thanks for writing to Ironmanmode.com.
We here at IMM are very regretful to hear about the recent loss of your beloved pet fish, Goldie. We understand you are going through a difficult time, and will offer all the advice we can.
Dealing with pet loss can be, for some people, a traumatic period in their lives. The devastation of losing what can only be perceived as a true friend of the family is hard to surmount, to rise above and look back on with dignity.
Here at IMM, we offer a range of services to make the loss easier to bear.
I, after losing my own pet avatar in EVE, feel it’s all to important to renew that special bond with a physical manifestation to focus that loss onto. I focused these feelings into building of my own ship made from a large bag of matchsticks. I felt that every piece laid was, well, was like laying it to rest, yet also like building it anew.
I’m sorry Mr Geber, but I think I’m drunk. I was about to delete all the above, but to answer your question: No. No, I don’t play games any more. I can’t in IMM mode.
I’m too scared to play them.
Tell you, the blood boiling tension of a noughts and crosses is just about unbearable right now. Even Minesweeper comes at a price. Especially if you add on a Dice Life to all of this… ”If you win this round, and you roll an even number, you must throw the nearest item at hand at the next person you recognise.”
Was certainly better than: “If you LOSE this round, and roll an even number, you must throw YOURSELF at the next person you recognise.”
Trust me, Mr S. Geber – that was a close call. Really. I would have got punched. In the face. Fists and all. Horrible, truly horrible.
So there you go, matey. Your question has unwittingly given everyone a preview of what the next series I’m doing is erring too.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. So please don’t have a dead fish right about now…
Mr. S, my dear fellow, I play multiple games at once by sheer will. I concentrate really hard and pop! A small clone falls off my body. I usually randomly figure out who gets to play what game, and then we get to it. Once he finishes his game, I absorb him back into my body, gaining all his experiences and skills. I realize this is a bit garish, but it’s better than my friend Mark who does the same thing and then devours his clone in butter sauce. I would think the chewing part would be really hard to sit through.
“When I have even less time, I’m forced to use my ominpresence to travel around in time and sit beside myself while playing the games. The maximum amount of times you can do this is four times – you can only have the original and three future yous sitting in the same room at once. Five causes something to implode violently. Trust me – violent implosions caused by five future yous in the same vicinity is not a fun thing to deal with. I’m not sure if EmCeeKhan from 2041 survives the experience or not.”
I tend to buy all the latest games that interest me, even if I don’t play them for a good while. Why? Well, it’s simple: I’m a collector! I’ve got games that are nearly 10 years old that still remain in the shrink-wrap, not because I want to preserve them but simply because I never got around to playing them. Yikes!
But I digress…
To me, there are different factors to consider. Are you playing more than one single-player game or playing multiple online titles? Also, are the games you are playing somewhat casual or are they all involved RPGs like Skyrim? I actually have a good friend who was able to balance TOR and Skyrim, but it does take effort. I can play multiple single-player games at the same time and just rotate between whatever catches my fancy at the given moment, but when it comes to online games (like TOR, for example), I really cannot play more than one or two at the same time. It’s less of an issue regarding time (although time is a factor, yes) than it is regarding that I don’t want to spread too thinly and not give due attention to one game. It’s the same reason I avoid becoming an “alt-a-holic” in MMO’s until I feel I’ve put in the due attention to whatever my present “main” character is.
Games are meant to be fun and to be enjoyed, but we shouldn’t get to the point where they become chores to play!
This guy answers:
And I’m not referring to the quality of the gameplay. I’m referring to the quality of the medium on which the gameplay is delivered. I personally only play games one at a time, and only if they’re on extremely high-quality floppy disks. Ever played Portal 2 on an Amiga? My friend, that is a connoisseur’s gaming rig of choice. It’s all very well and good downloading things off Steam or whatever the proles do nowadays, but don’t they miss the subtle chhhhhnk-ing and crrrnch-ing of the disk drive accessing all that sweet data? I like to smell (and sometimes lick) the disk before popping it in. This one time I got my tongue stuck in the metal shutter. What do people who don’t care about quality lick before they play a good game? Huh? Don’t answer that.
Of course, you may not wish to promote quality over quantity to this extreme, and that’s fine. CDs are still a delightful medium, albeit incredibly delicate – use soft gloves for handling your game discs and if below the age of 27, seek adult supervision. Additionally, if buying from a specialist, make sure you’re getting a fair price and watch out for what we call ‘foxing’ on the surface of the disc.
Bru Oliver on the Facebooks asks:
Do you feel the mysteries of spontaneous combustion and crop circles have ever been solved?
Crop circles are the product of Amelia Earhart. Everyone thinks she disappeared over the ocean all those years ago, but I know the truth. Amelia became the Guardian of Time. She flies around in her time-traveling ornithopter and lands in random fields. The airflow around these mystical vehicles creates crop circles. Don’t try to prove me wrong – you’ll get stuck in the endless River of Time if she lands on you.
Spontaneous combustion is the result of wrinkly, dry people in coarse clothing. Or wannabe wrinkly, dry rock stars in spandex. These people are fine until they try to do something physically strenuous, like running or shaking. Think about it. I ensure you that Steven Tyler is going to be the next victim of spontaneous combustion when he reaches critical mass of wrinkly skin when dancing in his spandex pants. Fooom! No more Steven Tyler.
“Spontaneous Human Combustion is an interesting phenomenon, but there really isn’t much evidence for it. I researched this due to the question and it seems that in a period of just over 200 years there have only been 300 known cases. As one skeptic points out, in a world that has population now measuring in the several billions, and with media the way it is now, you’d think if it was something that happened with any sort of regularity we’d know, right? It seems that in most cases, there is some source of heat that could explain it, and usually the person is elderly or immobile in the first place. Plus, what happens if they were smoking and when they died the cigarette burned them? Quite possible, as any source of ignition would quickly burn away with the body.”
“Crop circles, however, are quite interesting. Generally, these seem to be made by pranksters or just people wanting to have fun. Heck, some companies even use them as a form of advertising! But, there’s nothing that says it isn’t possible that something else was responsible. I’d easily rule out natural causes as the patterns are far too purposeful, but perhaps they could be from extraterrestrials or the like. You never know! Besides, it’s 2012 and there is still a debate as to what purpose and method of creation exists for the Nazca Lines, so… Yeah, ancient aliens? :P
I’m not totally down with the modern theories of human combustion, and can’t help but feel a lot of pseudoscience is floating around regarding it. Let’s assume its all real… If that were the case, then I’d believe throwing chi balls like Vegeta from Dragonball entirely possible and worthy of my entire attention. I wouldn’t stop training until I’ve blasted something to smithereens. Blasting the moon would be fun to train for.
Of course, its not hard to assume that’s what people who spontaneously combusted were trying to achieve in the first place. Maybe, and go with me here, God coded the universe in such a way that when a human learnt the secret of inner power, they would go up in flames as punishment. Well, look what he did when we got all knowledgeable… It kinda fits, doesn’t it?
Allahweh is halfway right with the spontaneous human combustion thing, but I’d like to pick it up where she left off. Not only were there so few cases over the span of human history (I hear that ‘being human’ is a big prerequisite of spontaneous human combustion, although see below) but nearly all those cases were centralized around the Victorian era.
Known for their fascination with supernatural phenomena, parlour games and hunger for lavish entertainment, British gentry during the Victorian era would often engage in the practise of human combustion. Such delight would it cause that they would often burst into flame completely on a whim and without any thought for the consequences – a spontaneous act, if you will – just to titillate their guests. This begs the obvious question: why would someone spontaneously combust just for fun? Well, think about living in an era without Angry Birds, microwave ovens, Facebook or Jason Mraz. What the hell would you do to pass the time? Odds are pretty high that I’d make the snap decision to go incadescant all of a sudden just for kicks.
When the World Wars were invented they took up a lot of people’s spare time in the 20th century, so spontaneous human combustion was made illegal (another reason was because writers were sick of typing ‘spontaneous’ incorrectly over and over which resulted in the red squiggly line coming up). But crop circles: have they ever been solved? I have no idea, and don’t particularly care because I’ve just started wondering why other animals don’t combust on their own. Crop circles make me think of farms, farms make me think of cows, and self-cooking cows make me think of a BBQ utopia.
From @haircarpet on Twitter:
If you could hold a games night with any one person, living or dead, who would it be?
If nobody minds, I’ll answer this one first because this question is from my partner. In actual fact, she’ll recall I answered this in person while out for dinner the other night – I decided to misinterpret the question on purpose to cover board games, and stated that I’d love to play Risk against Hitler. My totally winning tactic would be to control all the areas in greater Russia (including that one I can’t pronounce) and just wait until the winter.
I went on to point out for the first time that you actually look an awful lot like Eva Braun, which is interesting because your parents are German. You then got pissed off so I can only assume that you weren’t happy me expanding my answer to include board games, so if we’re just talking video games, I’d totally pick Dara O’Briain after watching this hilarious clip on Youtube.
I would personally love to sit down, chat, and play games with Keiji Inafune. The reason is simple: Capcom has made some of my all-time favorite games (especially the Mega Man games) and Inafune was directly responsible for a vast majority of them, even the Street Fighter and some of the Resident Evil games. I was really mad when he left Capcom to do his own thing and Capcom subsequently pulled both Mega Man: Universe and Mega Man Legends 3. It would be great to pick his mind about some of his brainchild series and to just sit down and enjoy a classic 8-bit game with him!
I would want to play with Wil Wright. Primarily because I love his simulation games from the 90′s – SimEarth, SimAnt, SimCity. He also assisted several projects in their heyday that made great games. When he made The Sims, and the people running Maxis were doubtful, he managed to prove that ‘games make great toys’ and sell a billion copies. I think that’s what I love about some games – they make awesome toys. You may not be able to play them for days at a time, but you keep coming back to them later. Even after playing something like Skyrim for two weeks straight, you’ll put that game away forever and come back to the Sims. I’d play a sim game with Wil, and talk about digital toys. If you love games like Farmville or Game Dev Story or those kinds of ’toy’ games, then you have to acknowledge Wil Wright as one of the greatest game developers of the 1990s. (And I wish I could invite Peter Molyneux along so he could learn how to make a real game from a professional LOL.)
When thinking of who I’d like to have a game session with, I can’t think profoundly – only nonsensically.
In fact, I had a little fantasy about it:
I answer the phone. It’s 2 am and I’m not expecting anyone to be so intrusive.
‘Hi, My name is Richard Branson. I’ve been reading the Iron Man Mode website, and was impressed. I’d like to join in and have a gaming session with you all. Well, just you actually. I’ve had my eye on you.’
‘That’s nice of you. You sound an awful lot like Zeke, you know.’
‘Let me assure you it is me. Look outside your window. There should be a limo. Bring you and whoever you want to my island. I’ve set aside a plane as well. Should take no less than 18 hours if you leave now.’
‘Of course, we can raincheck this whole thing if you want.’
‘There’s a limo outside, Zeke.’
‘Hahahaha – this is not Zeke, but he is most welcome.’
‘Are you for real?’
‘Yes, and what’s more real is that I have an IMAX screen on this island, and I know you’re partial to a bit of WipeOut 2097, aren’t you?
‘Well, that’s one of the first games I really played since R-Type on my old mans Amstrad machine – I think.
‘Oh yes, Lord Sugar will be there too.’
So, off I go with my lady in tow – not in a tow truck, but sat with me – and I’d arrive at Branson Island. He’d offer Pina Coladas and nachos, and we’d head down to his IMAX screen after a tour of the island. He had the IMAX put in after the fire.
I’d joke to him that if I beat him in WipeOut 2097, he’d have to give me and my missus tickets to space on Virgin Galactic. He agrees, I win, and I get to go to space.