Yikes, so it’s been a while since I last wrote about our adventures with Garreth and the Mod he has lent his name to. Might be a good time to do a catch up if you want to refresh your memory.
Wow, we’ve survived to post number 4. This is going pretty well! Granted, I lost a bathtub to the cold void of space, fell out of a floating minecart and I’m currently getting smacked all ways to Sunday by an angry antlion, but… y’know. Post number 4! Whoooo!
When we left off last time, I was indeed getting my ass kicked by the antlion I’d spawned. This, my friends, is no good: I now have no option but to kill the creature I helped bring in to the world.
I’m like the Half-Life equivalent of Casey Anthony.
Too soon? Yeah, still too soon.
Anyway, I’m now standing on top of a roof. I’m sure the antlion is stuck in the building below me, so I peer through a hole in the roof and prepare to drop a grenade into it. It should be noted that I’m feeling all smug at this point because I think I’ve got the drop on it. In reality and unbeknownst to me, the antlion had already left the building, scampered around the outside, stopped for a cigarette break, climbed onto the roof and is now standing right behind me.
By the time I notice it, I’ve only got a second to react before it slams into me. I need to use this second very wisely indeed…
I take the time to drop a live grenade at my feet, which is inexplicable really, but it now means I’m definitely going to get blown off the roof. Really, this is a good thing; it would have been a terrible blow to the antlion’s self-esteem if it failed to cause much damage with its sneak attack, so I’m very happy to help.
In the end, I actually jump off the roof voluntarily in an attempt to escape the grenade blast. This ends up being the best possible outcome; I avoid the antlion’s charge, miraculously avoid taking damage from the explosion, and the blast stuns the antlion long enough to for me to put some distance between us. I do take a 10HP injury through fall damage however, so I’m left with only 40HP before this blog meets its terminal end…
… scratch that, I’m down to 20HP because a lapse in concentration results in the antlion catching up to me and connecting with a blow. She sends me flying into the big lake at the corner of the map, then dives right on in after me.
Being an exoskeletal, light-weight insect thing, it sinks straight to the bottom like a rock straight to bottom. Being a fully-armoured dude carrying a whole arsenal of weaponry, I float to the top of the lake.
Physics. A hallmark of Valve games.
While it’s scrabbling around the lake bed, I use my newly-discovered superpower of buoyancy to shoot at her from above with the crossbow. I fire a bolt, then swim out of the lake and sprint around to the overhanging ledge to see if she follows me. As I’m watching the water with baited breath, the antlion gently floats to the top of the lake, but I have no idea whether or not she’s dead.
I suspect this could be a scenario like finding spider in a bath which you’re sure is just a corpse so you go to scoop it out with a glass but it turns out it’s just pretending and all of a sudden it unfurls its legs and goes totally mental. Brrrrr.
I shoot her again and it doesn’t react. Yeah, she’s definitely dead; I head back into the basement of the adjacent building and find her sister, which is still stuck by the seemingly unsolvable puzzle of how ramps work. Much like a kindly veterinarian who ends the life of ramp-puzzled puppies, I put the second antlion to sleep.
Well, this has all been fun and games. But I figure we’ve messed around in this test map enough – why don’t we head out into the multiplayer world, and see who’ll we meet?
Because those people are likely to kill me for absolutely no reason, and thus bring a premature end to this blog. That’s the precise reason why we don’t do that.
Argghh. I’m always criticised for not being more courageous in my decisions when playing games for Iron Man Mode, so let’s just dive on in and see how the multiplayer world looks like…
…. okay, so it looks like an intense, horrible acid trip. Brilliant.
I don’t know what on earth I’ve wandered into here, but I suspect it’s an optical migraine. There doesn’t seem to be anyone on this glitch of a map, so I zip back into the menu and try again. I come across a number of problems, the fundamental one being that I’m an idiot and have no idea how to join a proper multiplayer game or even what one looks like in Garry’s Mod.
I take a random stab in the dark and load up the bridge level from Half-Life 2.
Given that ‘death-defying heights’ and ‘my fleshy body’ seem to be going hand-in-hand so far this series, this map should be perfect. Hopefully there will be a bunch of other players messing around in it and in no way threatening to knock me off the bridge to my death.
Hmmmm. I see no signs of human players.
I do, however, find this combine NPC standing on one of the gangways.
This is weird, given that I didn’t spawn him (if I had, I probably would have hooked him up to some balloons at the same time and sent him astronautin’). Stranger still is that he doesn’t seem to react to my presence.
Perhaps he’s not hostile. Perhaps he’s not even animated. Perhaps he’s just listening to headphones up in that gas mask and hasn’t even heard me.
One way to find out! I tap him on the shoulder.
I’d like to refer you back to my earlier point: I’m an idiot.
- Zeke (@IronManMode)