Magical Diary #2: Long Post is Really Long

The first week basically went Red, Blue, Green, Black and White. This week, it’s the same. I’m going to dabble in all the colors pretty much that order until I get one spell in each and then maybe focus on Blue magic. Not sure if that’s a good plan or a bad one. But again, I don’t have a clue of what I’m doing. HALP!

With Every Magical Diary Comes a Magical Planner

I hope this works out. Otherwise, I’m going to be toast in the exams. Which are held in DUNGEONS below the school. That doesn’t sound dangerous. At all. Emsee’s starting to regret coming to magic school.

Let’s meet the teachers personally.

Some student talks about how maybe witches and wizards could use Green magic to hurt people as well as heal them. She sorta hits on that guy. Uh, okay? She also tells us that Black magic is about enchantment, not necromancy. And how White magic should never be used to control people’s minds. Good to know.

Professor Grabiner is really grumpy. He threatens people who aren’t paying attention in his classes, and he basically tells most of us he doesn’t care if we pass or fail. At the same time, he tells us that Red magic is useful but easy to let get out of control. Blue magic, in his opinion, is extremely necessary, because it’s the power to warp reality. Great, thanks for the tip. Illusions and transmutations sound extremely helpful.

So Monday rolls around again and we’re all summoned to the gymnasium again, this time by the Seniors. What could they possibly want to talk to us Freshmen about?

Man, they’re dragging this game out with pointless rituals.

The rules of Initiation are simple. Freshmen can’t stand taller than the Senior they encounter. They must never turn their back to a Senior. They must do everything a Senior says. So basically, it’s Fraternity/Sorority Hell Week. Great. More drama, more stupid time wasted. Emsee is never going to graduate, because she’s busy being caught up in social life.

Oh, one more thing. Each Senior picks out a Freshman and that Freshman is basically their slave. Well, not slave, per se. More like the Senior can step in and protect their chosen Freshman. Which is the only way to survive Initiation week, as they keep telling everyone. Everyone gets chosen, and then it’s Emsee’s turn …

So Damien the Wonder Demon is Emsee’s Knight in Shining Armor. The music is very romantic and he acts all suave Romeo-like. I try not to gag. Bishie Demon Boy is like talking about taking his hand and going outside. I guess I have to do what he says or pay the price …

Once outside he tells me to be careful and come find him if some Senior is breaking the rules or interfering with studies. Then he recommends studying Blue magic. Is that some sort of euphemism for checking out his package??? Oh, that Blue magic. Man, he’s all creepy and crap. After Tuesday’s class, Emsee runs into one of the Seniors basically abusing El in the hallway. Instead of standing up for her, Emsee cowers in the corner like a scared mouse. Another Senior from the Hall steps in and saves El.

Way 2 Go, Emsee. Way to Be all Heroine and Crap.

So they talk to Virginia in the room about Initiation. She tells them that she knew this was coming but she couldn’t say anything because William made her promise. Where’s the love? Where’s the loyalty? God damn girly politics and stuff. You’re Emsee’s roommate, you’re supposed to help us out here.

If By Bonding You Mean "Tied Up" or "In Chains" ...

Virginia is the slave of some Barthiswhat’shisnuts. Of course, Ellen’s Senior is William. I tell them mine is Damien and Virginia flips her shit. Says something about all demons being evil. I try to take the high road, telling her to calm down and tell me what makes him really evil. This is what she says:

Virginia is a bit peeved that I stood up for Damien. Look – I’m not a racist asshole. Let’s just move on to the next day. One class down, and then Emsee runs into Damien again while fetching another Senior some coffee. They act all flirty and stuff. Bleh. To fulfill his duty as a Senior during Initiation, he has to give Emsee some crazy task thing. He uses a porn line when informing us how he wants us to do this thing:

"Secret" is usually Code for U GONNA GET RAPED

Now I’m afraid. Very afraid. I expect some sort of cheesy porn music to kick in and people to get shirtless. Instead, here’s his daunting task for Emsee -

Oh God. I threw up a little in my mouth.

Emsee agrees to it, since the game gives me no choice in the matter. Back in the room, Emsee doesn’t know how to write said love letter. Her irritation piques Ellen’s interest. Ellen gives her some advice – how about comparing him to something? Sure, what are my choices?

Really? REALLY???

That’s not the worst part. They start talking about how to write the letter comparing him about butter and for some God forsaken reason, Emsee goes all naive but raunchy. I’m not kidding. This is what she says:

“I think of butter when I hear your voice, because … it’s warm and soft and goes all melty. If you were butter on a table with a bread basket, lots of people would want to take bits of you. But I want to keep all the butter for myself because it’s delicious. Butter gets all over fingers and makes them slippery and when I lick them … I’m… I’m not sure how to finish that sentence.”

I think El’s imagination has taken her to the same place mine did, and we’re both like, “Okay okay okay, please stop now, you’re making me nauseous. No more butter comparisons please or I will puke in my lap.” Of course, Emsee’s not pleased with her atrocious handwriting and plain paper, so El agrees to write the letter on her stationary for Emsee. Emsee then seals it with a … kiss (ugh) … and I guess that’s that. THANK YOU GOD FOR MAKING THAT BRIEF.

The next day in Green Magic class, some boy stands up and recites poetry to Professor Potsdam. Of course, she’s all “Don’t do that stupid Initiation stuff in my class.” Then when he asks if he’s going to get detention, she says no, instead he’s going to finish that poem after class just for her. That’s code for “You’re going to bone me on my desk when everyone is gone for the day.” I knew she was a cougar. Just knew it.

Next two days roll by and then I hear Ellen crying in her bed. This is getting annoying. What the fuck is up now?

Oh shit …

Man, what the shit?

So Emsee storms through the halls, making even the Seniors avoid us, until she gets to Damien’s room. She immediately confronts the crafty devil and gets the whole story. He’s a little nervous and upset himself. I’m mad he’s ruining Emsee’s chance of sleeping with Ellen, and he’s mad that his chances of sleeping with Emsee are slipping down the drain. All because he had to brag to some of his classmates who thought it was impossibly funny that someone would write a demon a love letter.

SURE WHATEVER

This is taking too long and I’m bored to tears when they finally get back to the room so Damien can apologize and take the heat. However, it’s William that came to El’s rescue and made the detention go away. Damien still apologizes but FFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuu ….

Friday is the 13th, which is not only the last day of Initiation, but a lucky day for magic users. Yay. I finish my White magic class, and then they call us all into the gymnasium where they blindfold everyone and put them in vans. Oh great. We’re going to the rape factory. Only idiots would allow a bunch of guy Seniors to blindfold them and put them in a van without knowing where they are going. I expect the blindfold to come off of Emsee and suddenly be confronted by visions of tied up girls and chains and whips and stuff. Take a deep breath, get out of the van and …

Thankfully, it’s just a beach party with watermelons and people playing games and socializing. He gives her a gift of … butter (LOL!). Damien and Emsee go swimming and play a few games, and they spend the rest of the night just having fun.

Saturday rolls around and Emsee gets a letter from my parents. Not a great letter, since they seem to be avoiding talking about her school. Reality is starting to sink in. So let’s go to the mall and see if she can buy any good magical junk. We can afford a pair of glasses.

Why Not? Let's Look Like a Librarian.

Sunday, Emsee writes back to her parents telling them that she’s actually doing well, but avoiding other details because she’s afraid they won’t understand. Great going – no one is really communicating in this family anymore because everyone’s afraid of the big M word. Or maybe they know that Emsee’s a lesbian. I mean, most people are more tolerant of people using witchcraft than they are of gay people (which is really sad).

On our Sunday walk in the park, she runs into Damien who is apparently pissed at her for some reason and snubs her. Suddenly, there’s V, scolding Emsee and doing the “I told you so!” thing even though Emsee tells her they weren’t dating. Jesus, this is worse than a soap opera to some degree!

Whatever the case, we put Emsee’s glasses on. Here’s the final scores for week 2:

Smarts 25, Strong 20, Cute 10, Weird 5.
Red 2, Blue 4, Green 4, Black 5, White 5.
Stress 10, Demerits 10, Money $4.

Spells:
Detection (find weak spots and hidden items/details)
Spirit Sight (see creatures from the Otherworld)

Harry Potter’s slightly more tolerable than this crap. I am serious trying not to fall asleep during the talking parts. Dialogue isn’t bad, but it’s not great either. It’s like reading a Daniel Steele novel, if all the cowboys were wizards and all the barmaids were witches.